D-Day

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.  The last two days have been absolutely crazy for the Clarke family, a roller coaster ride of emotions encased in glass, if you will. It all started when we went to the hospital on Tuesday at 6:30 AM Pacific Standard Time to be induced.  Upon arriving, they told us that there was no room at the inn and that we needed to come back at 9:00 AM.  Talk about anticlimactic.  Devastated, we returned to our humble abode, only to be called by said hospital a little before nine telling us we could come back.  But upon arriving again, they informed us that our room had been maliciously pilfered by an emergency patient.  So, we didn't even end up getting induced until 10:45 AM.  And Barack Obama hasn't even taken over health care yet!  Heidi progressed pretty slowly throughout the day.  We passed the time by playing games and making out like wild mongeese.  The anesthesiologist came in at 6:00 PM to give Heidi her epidural.  In mid-poke, my mother, Julie Denise Clarke, called my phone, setting off Queen's "Bohemian Rhapsody" at 700 decibels, scaring the anesthesiologist, and forcing the needle into a vein.  Blood sprayed everywhere as if coming from a fire hose.  Thanks a lot, mom.  The second attempt was successful and to make a short story long, Heidi was finally ready to push at midnight.  You may be thinking to yourself, "Self, that took a really long time for Heidi to be ready to push."  Lest I remind you of the tortoise and the hare, slow and steady does in fact win the race.  But as our luck would have it, the doctor was at another hospital and we couldn't start pushing until 1:38 AM.  My amazing and perfect wife pushed her little heart out for two and a half hours, had entire hands inside of her trying to help the baby out, but to no avail.  Penny was staring up at the sky, sunny-side up and enjoying herself, and just wouldn't twist around.  She was stuck like a baby pterodactyl in the La Brea tar pits.  The doctor decided that the baby's safety was the number one priority, so Heidi needed to get a C-section immediately.  Some women get the joy of pushing, others the joy of getting the baby cut out of them, and my poor wife got both.  I love her so much, it's ridiculous.  At 4:50 AM on Thursday morning, Penny May Clarke emerged from the womb against her will.  She weighed 7 lbs. 11 oz. She's our little slurpee, if you will.  At 20.5 inches, she has her dad's height and stunning good looks, as well as her mom's rockin' body.  Both mom and baby are doing fine.  Thank you for your prayers.  We love you all.  More pictures are coming!